it's raining.

and i just wrote an entry about the rain, how it made me feel, how it used to make me feel, all the implications it meant to me. and of course, it didn't update correctly. so, it's raining. and it's important to me because of the symbolism. but it's 2:15, i can't pour my heart out again. all these current mood choices, i'm all of them. i'm awake, busy, confused, dorky, exhausted, frustrated, grumpy, hungry... you get the idea.

this is beyond drowning. this is being buried alive.

moved again. xanga is too exclusive.

http://www.blurty.com/users/lalapine

it's ridiculous.

everything's so ridiculous.

i am completely lost. i have no place. no haven. no sanctuary.

is this why my parents are paying $40000+ a year? because i could just as easily do all this at home.

i could just as easily be ignored by my friends who never call and always wait for me to take all the action. they want me to come online so they don't have to put forth any effort other than double clicking my screen name and moving their fingers around a little when i've been writing letters, postcards, sending packages, making phone calls every day. but it's fine. i should be used to it. really, i should. i don't know why i'm not.

**

i know the fun of online journals is to be mysteriously ambiguous to keep people guessing who you're talking about.. but it's amazing how many different people in my life that could be referring to.. make it a she instead of a he, and the list just grows exponentially.
 and no, david is not one of them.